Wirehead Studios

What's Yarn, you say?  It was an old MPlayer game where someone would start a story with a single sentence and everyone added to it.  It was done by a vote system and a timer.  Well, we have to dispense with the vote system and instead just ad-lib it.  We had a similar post before but it died, and I thought I'd start a new yarn.  Here's the rules:

1) I type one sentence to begin the yarn.
2) The next poster continues the yarn with exactly one sentence.  No more, no less.  Posts with multiple-sentences will get pruned (and any posts adding to them will have to be pruned for continuity's sake).
3) The sentence should connect to the previous sentence or story in some way if possible.  There should be some continuity, but you CAN change the direction abruptly.  In fact it's encouraged.
4)  Nothing vulgar, please.  You all know what is/is not offensive/permissible here so I shouldn't have to explain this one.
5)  Be reasonable.  A paragraph-long run-on sentence does not qualify, ok?
6)  You only get one post before it's someone else's turn.  Once someone else posts you are free to post again.  NO DOUBLE POSTING!

Ok that's it, so here goes!

It is pitch black.  You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

The battery in your torch has run out.

You should have stuck with name-brand batteries.

Undaunted, you walk over to the wall and flip on the light, and in the process remember that your name is "Steve".

Your memory is fuzzy and your chest still hurts where it was pierced, but now, with the light turned up, it's all coming back.

"Crikey!" you say to yourself.

"Steve?" a voice asked behind you. "Can you get me a bloody mary with raisins please, I'm a leprechaun!"

The Leprechaun was jumping around Steve, trying to steal his battery.

"It's flat", you protest, but the leprechaun continues undaunted.

Tired of this incessant taunting, you pump two rounds of buckshot into the leprechaun and shout, "Whose Lucky Charms are they NOW, bitch!"

However, the Leprechaun did not stop: He kept swirling and swirling until he managed to steal the battery from Steve.

Realizing the battery was a C battery instead of a D battery, the leprechaun handed Steve the battery back and promptly died from a massive chest wound.

Remembering how good dead leprechaun tastes you find a nearby kitchen to bake the annoying bastard.

Remember also your nationality and, accordingly, your utter lack of talent for appreciable cuisine, you consider finding a 'volunteer' food taster..

"I'll find Mikey," you say to yourself, "He'll try anything!"

You go out to find Mikey, but all roads are closed because of an barbarian and skelleton invasion.

you wonder whether this is all a dream

Dream or no dream, watching barbarians and skeletons fighting is worthy of microwave popcorn so you go to your pantry to get some.

However, all you can find is a bag of salty tortillas and you don't even have any dips.

the tortillas are slightly old and soggy, and no dip on earth would be enough to salvage them

But Thankfully you have CIPA and can't feel a thing.

instead of watching the commotion outside, you decide instead to flick on the tv and watch footy

You go to turn on the TV and on every channel you try you see man on the screen speaking in a smooth, well toned voice about how City 16 and a half is safer thanks to your "benefactors" and that the suppression field preventing the manufacture of stiff, crispy, non-soggy tortillas might be lifted after the MexiEuroStralia unification act is finally ratified.

Seeing Dr. Breen on TV -again- you decide to headbutt the screen of your TV

The impact renders you unconscious for about 10 minutes.

at which point alyx walks in wearing nothing but a uzi and a smile

You then wake up in a panic, and after realizing it was just a dream you think to yourself, "Thank God, I'm still gay," and proceed to chuck the TV set out the window into the barbarian-skeleton melee below, scoring a few bones in the process.

While the battle rages, you think:"Wow, I must be out of my mind".

You absentmindedly pick up your battle axe and wonder if you should join the fight, and what side.

perhaps it's the pink nail polish your wearing, but you've always had a thing for barbarians all those muscles and those big axes.

You're all set to go - leather loin cloth, battle-axe, suede leggings, hooped earings - when suddenly...

...All goes black, the g-man is talking, calling you Mr.Anderson and asking about Nachos

You tell him that your name is actualy Steve and that you ate all the nachos, upon hearing this G-Man gets angry at you and....

A skull comes flying into the room, ricochets around like a rubber ball  and hits G-man in the face

The skull explodes, taking the G-Man with it and you see a message floating above and to your left that reads:  "G-Man's soul was torn from his body by Mr. Freeman's Lost Soul of Vengeance" and think to yourself "W... T... F..."

that's the last time i eat cheese before going to bed

You go to make a 10 floor sammich when an snicker tells you...

that he is your father