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Title: Been writing lately (Actually been doing alot of it) Post by: Lilazzkicker on 2004-01-28, 10:52 http://members.cox.net/lakstudios/TheDream.txt (http://members.cox.net/lakstudios/TheDream.txt)
I dont want comments about spelling or grammer, for I know it is lacking these components, and remember, it is a rough draft, I will take negative comments, but avoid what I already know when commenting. Title: Re: Been writing lately Post by: ConfusedUs on 2004-01-28, 10:54 I'll read it tomorrow when the words aren't blurring together.
/me goes to bed now Title: Re: Been writing lately Post by: Phoenix on 2004-01-28, 10:59 Grammar errors galore, but the only thing I will caution you about gramatically is that you are writing in present tense. That is a very difficult writing style, and you have to watch that you don't slip into past tense during your narrative, as you did near the beginning. It does need some fleshing out. It's very choppy right now. Needs to be more fluid. I like the strange direction you're taking though.
Title: Re: Been writing lately Post by: games keeper on 2004-01-28, 13:05 exelent use of tences.
but I think you made some spelling errors :thumb: Title: Re: Been writing lately Post by: Woodsman on 2004-01-28, 15:18 Spelling and grammar arent a big issue because you can always correct them later. More importantly the present tense perspective can really only hinder the readers enjoyment because it just doesnt read fluidly enough.
Title: Re: Been writing lately Post by: Angst on 2004-01-28, 16:48 Quote exelent use of tences. but I think you made some spelling errors Looks like you done GK proud lil :P Very good start though, your visual cues near the end are superb. Title: Re: Been writing lately Post by: l4mby on 2004-01-28, 21:27 I shall read it tonight when I get home from chick night.
Title: Re: Been writing lately Post by: ConfusedUs on 2004-01-29, 04:50 I like it, just fix up the grammar errors, tense changes, and stuff. Good 'mysteriou' feeling at the end.
Title: Re: Been writing lately Post by: Lilazzkicker on 2004-02-01, 22:19 Chapter 1, with updated prologue.
http://members.cox.net/ppk1/writing.html (http://members.cox.net/ppk1/writing.html) Feedback is always welcome. But due to the nature of parts of the story, I almost regret posting it here. Thanks Title: Re: Been writing lately Post by: Lilazzkicker on 2004-02-02, 20:36 Some site changes in place, and here comes chapter two.
Prologue: The Dream http://members.cox.net/ppk1/prologue.html (http://members.cox.net/ppk1/prologue.html) Chapter 1: An Awakening http://members.cox.net/ppk1/chapter1.html (http://members.cox.net/ppk1/chapter1.html) Chapter 2: Unknown Enemies & Allies http://members.cox.net/ppk1/chapter2.html (http://members.cox.net/ppk1/chapter2.html) Title: Re: Been writing lately Post by: Lilazzkicker on 2004-02-05, 03:05 I rushed the first to chapters in my story leaving an over abundance of comma's, lack of depth and detail, and tense errors. Working to fix these things, hopefully I can have the revised story up in another few days.
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