that..that was pathetic *cries*

An American is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam when a Canadian man, chewing gum, sits down next to him.

The American ignores the Canadian who, nevertheless, starts a conversation:

Canadian: "You American folk eat the whole bread??" American (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Canadian: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Canada, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states." The Canadian has a smirk on his face.

The American listens in silence.

The Canadian persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

American: "Of Course."

Canadian: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In Canada we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to the states."

The American then asks: "Do you have sex in Canada?"

Canadian: "Why of course we do", the Canadian says with a big smirk.

American: And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Canadian: "We throw them away, of course."

American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Canada.

How to scare your neighbors
 
1. Order pizza and other food to their house and pick it up at their doorstep claiming that you don't have a phone.

2. Stand over the plants in your yard with a hose and Scream, "I have your life in my hands, bow down to me!". Then point at each one and declare them good or bad plants, while watering the bad ones.

3. Bring them restraining orders on inanimate objects in their house. (i.e.: chairs, books,lamps, etc.)

4. Ask them if you can put your trash in their cans, if they ask why say, "Mine are full of bodies", then stutter and say, "I, uh, mean other garbage." Walk away laughing hysterically.

5. Patrol the perimeter of your yard while carrying a broom. If they come close, state that their is a 3 foot neutral area between the two yards.

6. At night transplant the plants in their garden. In the morning say, "looks like they're on the move again."

7. When they're watching TV, pull a lawn chair behind their window. Sit down with popcorn and a drink and ask them if they could open a window so you can hear too.

8. Build snowmen with name tags of your neighbours. Each day hack off a different part of their body.

9. Use your TV remote to change the channels on their TV from outside. If asked why, say you protest such programs. (The more educational the program the better.)

10. Dig shallow graves at night filling your yard with brown grave patches. Make markers out of household appliances

once they did a wormtest in a lab .
they wanned to see in what conditions the worms could survive .

the first worm was set in an inviroment that only consisted of earth .( the worm lived )

the second worm was putted in a bath full of sperm ( the worm died )

the third worm was put in a glass filled with beer ( he died )


the conclusion the lab gave
"As long as we drink and have sex , we wont get worms "

(i know its a lame post , but else i would have double posted so I had to fill this 1 up )

Found this at another site I frequent.

Monty Python's Quest for to Get Rid of the The Holy Grail The Ring.


100 years before Deagol finds the Ring, it tried to return to its Master,
Sauron.

Unwisely, however, it chose Sir Robin of King Arthur's Court.

Driven mad by the incessant singing of Robin's minstrels, and unable to
even feed them to orcs (who have some standards, apparently), the Ring eventually
pleaded with Robin to return to the river and let it go.

This took five (er, three) years. During this time, Sir Robin traveled the
land with his fellow knights, using his fun party ring to sneak up behind
Sir Galahad and catch him snogging the pages.

Even though he's not gay. He's just virtuous.

The Ring did manage to almost escape once, by convincing Sir Robin to trade
him to the Knights Who Say Ni. However, the knights promptly returned it,
in exchange for a nice potted plant.

Eventually, the Ring discovered that it could offer suggestions to the page
who banged Sir Robin's coconuts led Sir Robin's horse, and had him lead
Sir Robin back to the river, where the Ring gratefully slid off his finger
and sunk into the depths. It lay there in wonderous silence until rudely
interrupted by a fisherman.

http://www.elfrigo.org/flash/chowmein.htm

Chinese anyone?

well d'uh .

here in belgium there is 1 city whoare being called the dogeaters .
reason , during world war 2 they ate dogs because there wasnt enough foot .
anyway good song  

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day when you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day. The next day at 12:01, the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly said to the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."

"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife half naked. She appeared to be having an affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This pissed me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."

The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So,the Angel announced, "Ok, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.

A few seconds later the next guy came up. The Angel said, "Before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died."

No problem," said the second man. "But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. Having been under a lot of pressure I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, started cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move, and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."

The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets the man enter.

A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gate. The angel says," Please tell me how you died." The third man says,"Ok, picture this. I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

for those of you  who don't know...
lol

Kurt Kobain is very dead...