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Author Topic: Get yer jokes right here!  (Read 3641 times)
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ConfusedUs
 

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« on: 2004-04-20, 22:37 »

An atheist was walking through the woods one day in Alaska, admiring
all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What a
powerful river! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he
was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes
behind him. Turning to look, he saw a 13-foot Kodiak brown bear
beginning to charge toward him. He ran as fast as he could down the
path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly
closing on him.

Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes.
He looked again & the bear was even closer. His heart pounding in his
chest, he tried to run faster yet. But alas, he tripped and fell to
the ground.

As he rolled over to pick himself up, the bear was right over him,
reaching for him with it's left paw and raising its right paw to
strike him....he yelled out, "OH MY GOD!"

Time stopped.......

The bear froze.......

The forest was silent............

Even the river stopped moving.

As a brilliant light shone upon the man, a thunderous voice came from
all around, GOD SPOKE: "YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS,
TEACH OTHERS THAT I DON'T EXIST AND EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO SOME
COSMIC ACCIDENT. DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU OUT OF THIS
PREDICAMENT? AM I TO COUNT YOU NOW AS A BELIEVER?"

Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light &
said, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all
these years, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"

"VERY WELL," said GOD.

The light went out...

The river ran...

The sounds of the forest resumed...

And the bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together,
Bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, thank you for this food which I am
about to receive. Amen."
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death_stalker
 

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« Reply #1 on: 2004-04-21, 01:46 »

LOL! Slipgate - Laugh Good one.
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Phoenix
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« Reply #2 on: 2004-04-21, 02:02 »

I've heard that one before.  It's a favorite of mine.  Slipgate - Wink
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I fly into the night, on wings of fire burning bright...
BlasterDRP
 
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« Reply #3 on: 2004-04-21, 19:23 »

Owned. Slipgate - Laugh
« Last Edit: 2004-04-21, 19:23 by BlasterDRP » Logged
Apocrypha
 
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« Reply #4 on: 2004-04-22, 18:52 »

A father is in church with three of his young children, including his five year old daughter.  As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that the children could properly witness the service.

During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The little five year old girl was taken by this, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant's head.

With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and asked: "Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby?"
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lord_malchia
 
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« Reply #5 on: 2004-06-05, 04:50 »

There are these three vampires. The first vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood." The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves.
The second vampire walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood." The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves.

The third vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of water."

The bartender says, "Why do you want a shot of water?"

The vampire pulls out a dirty tampon and says, "Tea time."
« Last Edit: 2004-06-05, 04:52 by lord_malchia » Logged
lord_malchia
 
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« Reply #6 on: 2004-06-05, 05:07 »

Q: How many gods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Ha! None, it's science!
« Last Edit: 2004-06-05, 05:07 by lord_malchia » Logged
Phoenix
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« Reply #7 on: 2004-06-09, 11:14 »

So an Irishman walks out of a bar...
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Angst
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« Reply #8 on: 2004-06-10, 00:04 »

An officer in the U.S. Naval Reserve was attending a conference that included admirals from both the U.S. Navy and the French Navy. At a cocktail reception, he found himself in a small group that included personnel from both navies.

The French Admiral started complaining that whereas Europeans learned many languages, Americans learned only English. He then asked, "Why is it that we have to speak English in these conferences rather than you speak French?"

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: "Maybe it is because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies, and Americans arranged it so you would not have to speak German..."
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games keeper
 

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« Reply #9 on: 2004-06-11, 14:00 »

but but , german is cool Slipgate - Sad
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Kain-Xavier
 

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« Reply #10 on: 2004-06-11, 23:39 »

This one came from console wars past.

Q:  How many Playstation fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  Two.  One, to screw the light bulb in, the other to say, "Loading, loading, loading"...
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