Gather 'round, and sit down, my children. Old Uncle Oob is about to tell you all a story. Is everyone comfortable? Then we'll begin!
Our story starts off millions and millions of years ago, (75, to be precise) in a galaxy not too far from here. Right here, in fact. Earth, you see, was part of a great Galactic Empire, spanning 76 worlds total. Course, back then Earth was known as Teegeeack, but it was the same blue green orb we know and love today. This great Galactic Empire was, fittingly enough, ruled over by the alien Galactic Ruler named Xenu.
Xenu, it turns out, had a bit of a problem on his hands at about the time this story begins. Each of his 76 planets was overpopulated by an average of 178 billion people. Clearly, something had to be done before the overpopulation destroyed the entire Empire. With the help of his renegades, the evil Xenu seized total control of the government, and threw out the good people and the Loyal Officers.
Then, with the help of psychiatrists, he called these trillions of people in for tax collections. However, instead of actually being taxed, these people were instead injected with a mixture of alcohol and glycol, and frozen. The great masses of frozen people were loaded on to space ships which looked identical to DC-8s, but had rocket engines instead of propellers. The frozen bodies were flown to Teegeeack, and deposited in the volcanoes of the world. Hydrogen bombs were detonated, and while the sprits of these "Thetans" were flying around on the nuclear winds, great electronic beams were set up to capture all of them.
The souls were then packaged into boxes, and forced into great big 3D cinemas, where they were shown a variety of tales including that of God, Christ, and the Devil. These movies told them what life should be like, and was referred to as "implanting." When the films ended, these souls left the cinemas and those with similar beliefs begain to clump up in groups of a couple of thousand. Now, because there were only a few living bodies left, they stayed as clusters and inhabited these bodies
As for Xenu, the Loyal Officers finally overthrew him and they locked him away in a mountain on one of the planets. He is kept in by a force-field powered by an eternal battery and Xenu is still alive today, while everyone on Earth is host to thousands of these "Body Thetans." These Thetans are the source of all of our troubles, and it is the goal of Scientology to free people from their grasp.
The End.
Ah, you've read the book. I TRIED to do a book report on this when I was in Jr High School. One of the few books I just couldn't get all the way through.
You don't really hear too much about them any more.
