To me, God is a divine force flowing through the earth. Some of us can tap into it and see the future. Others can use this force to sway the thoughts of others, and yet others can call down blasts of divine energy I like to call God-bombs.
God-bombs come in many shapes and forms. Some are square, some are round, but most come in 20' wide, 40' tall cylinders of divine retribution.
God is physically represented by the banana, a most phallic symbol. Therefore, phalluses are divine, and as such, we should be sure to burn offerings to them on a regular basis. Toilet plungers are the preferred burnt offerings; just be sure to have adequate ventillation, as the fumes from burning rubber can be quite strong. God is weak against burning rubber fumes, and cannot save you if you inhale too much.
But back to God. I like Him. He's always been nice to me. He brought me joy in the shape of a root-beer float, which I keep frozen in the freezer so I can enjoy a little piece of joy every day. God, I love my god-float.
I still wish I had that pony, though.
Edit: This is not troll-bait, I swear it massa!
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