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Author Topic: Bad Doom/Quake Jokes  (Read 19824 times)
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Kain-Xavier
 

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« Reply #20 on: 2021-09-10, 04:59 »

I've been playing the Quake remaster, and I'm feeling particularly inspired.

Where does Ranger buy all of his electronics from?
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What do you call a Quake minion that won't shut up?
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What kind of porn do Ogres like?
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Why is DOOM eternal?
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Why can't DOOM guy take a nap?
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Phoenix
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« Reply #21 on: 2021-09-10, 06:55 »

What kind of porn do Ogres like?
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Oh hell, you went there.  Slipgate - Distraught
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Kain-Xavier
 

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« Reply #22 on: 2021-09-10, 18:07 »

Oh hell, you went there.  Slipgate - Distraught
Thy Flesh Consumed. ( ͡ ͜ʖ ͡)
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Phoenix
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« Reply #23 on: 2021-09-10, 22:27 »

They shall repent!
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Phoenix
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« Reply #24 on: 2021-09-10, 23:41 »

What's the name of the drug that they pump grunts full of?
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What game do they play in the Dimension of the Doomed?
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Where do ogres go to get clothes that fit?
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What's Shub's favorite holiday?
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If the Maykr dimension conquered Hell's Fortress, what would you get?
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Kain-Xavier
 

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« Reply #25 on: 2021-09-12, 19:08 »

Where do ogres go to get clothes that fit?
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Is it from this, https://www.doomworld.com/forum/topic/70862-x-mas-nightmare-versions/ ?

What game do they play in the Dimension of the Doomed?
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You beautiful bird-breasted bastard, now I want to play this!  Slipgate - Grin

Here's what I'm thinking:

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Phoenix
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« Reply #26 on: 2021-09-12, 22:07 »

Nope!  Good guess though.  Slipgate - Smirk

Quote
You beautiful bird-breasted bastard, now I want to play this!  Slipgate - Grin

Here's what I'm thinking:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Why, thank you.  Slipgate - Love

That does sound kind of fun.  Also...
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Kain-Xavier
 

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« Reply #27 on: 2021-09-15, 02:00 »

To stay vaguely on-topic:

What happened to Wrack?
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And now for the stuff I actually want to talk about. :p

Where do ogres go to get clothes that fit?
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Are you referencing this?  I stumbled across id Software's GitHub and their WinQuake repository contains a text file which mentions it.

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Phoenix
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« Reply #28 on: 2021-09-15, 05:45 »

YES!  You win the points!  Though... there' not worth anything, but that's correct.  Slipgate - Thumbs up!

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Kain-Xavier
 

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« Reply #29 on: 2021-09-16, 04:06 »

YES!  You win the points!  Though... there' not worth anything, but that's correct.  Slipgate - Thumbs up!
Hooray, now I can finally pay my student lo--oh, wait.  #ThatMillenialLife  Slipgate - Thumbs up!

Quote from: Phoenix
If you ditch the bases it basically becomes Qball (Q1) or Catch the Chicken (from Q2).
I never realized that's what both of those mods were.  Nice to see that the idea persisted between games.  The PS2 version of Quake III Arena had a similar mode as well.

Now back to spoiler town.  (...unless you're cool with dropping them?)

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Phoenix
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« Reply #30 on: 2021-09-16, 06:10 »

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Phoenix
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« Reply #31 on: 2022-01-19, 18:26 »

I just found this gem:

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Orbital-S2D
 

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« Reply #32 on: 2022-03-26, 19:21 »

OH wow i remember those days... im late to this party but when i red your post pho i was thinking the same thing the id shopping maul.
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GET THAT GUY GET THAT GUY, PEW PEW PEW!
Phoenix
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« Reply #33 on: 2023-06-03, 06:45 »

Where do Arch-viles hide when the Doomguy shows up?
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What do you call a stroggified cow?
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How do you weigh a Slipgate marine?
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Did you hear about the backpack that kept attacking people?
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Why did they put the chaingunner on a diet?
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« Last Edit: 2023-06-22, 03:42 by Phoenix » Logged


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Phoenix
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« Reply #34 on: 2023-09-08, 07:07 »


After a day of searching, some marines find their squad's missing mascot.

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Phoenix
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« Reply #35 on: 2024-02-16, 10:58 »

Ranger's random musings.  I took his quotes from Quake Champions and, er... completed them.  Slipgate - Smirk



"You bastards!  Why are you torturing me like this?  I'm still waiting for my damned sequel!"

"This operation is falling apart.... kind of like my clothes after 20 years in the field."

"Kickin' a man when he's down?  That's pretty low.  I mean, it has to be.  He's literally on the ground."

"I need to find a slipgate out of this place.  To another place.  That I'll be in."

"When you've been here this long, nothing and everything makes sense.  Kind of like my voice lines."

"Too painful to be a dream.  Too real to be a nightmare.  Too broke to afford a chiropractor."

"Slipgates are closed.  Gotta find another way home.  Maybe I can hitchhike."

"Maybe my kingdom's finally come.  I need a better real estate agent."

"Sometimes the world doesn't need another hero.  It needs a Monster." *Pulls pop top and chugs*

"Surrender is not an option.  I checked the brochure."

"Too much going on in my head.  Can't focus.  Damned kids and their Rick Rolls."

"Where have the portals taken me now?  GlaDOS?  Long time no see!"

"Lord give me strength.  I'm fresh out of steroids."

"I seem them... all around us.  Tentacles and teeth, within and beneath.  Is this Japan?"

"Spent 20 years trying to get out.  Not giving up now!  Damn this zipper!"

"Been trying to get out 20 years... Not giving up now.  Is there an echo in here?"

"I ain't got time to bleed.  No... actually I can't duck."

"Surviving... One day at a time.  Like everyone else."

"All these places are starting to bleed together.  Did they merge the .bsp's?"

"'Put your back into it!' Coach always said.  I don't think he meant wall spikes."

"'Put your back into it' Sarge always said.  Thought I ditched that guy when I graduated."

"You can't keep me from getting home.  I'm not allowed out after dark."

"Let's go you sons of bitches.  God I hate walking the dogs."

"Your friends are going to have a hard time peeling you off the wall." *Throws another banana*

"Operation is running smooth as silk.  Now for the funnybone..."

"Operation is runnin' smooth.  God I love the sound of my voice."

"Everything is good to go.  Shop Smart, shop S-Mart."

"Proud to serve.  I still don't like tennis though."

"When you're 20 feet all and throwing lightning, then you can face me.  If you can get through the doorway."

"Stay down, you disgraced yourself enough.  I told you not to beg at the table."

"You disgraced yourself enough.  Stay down this time.  No, that's not a euphemism."

"Makin' momma proud.  I folded the laundry all by myself."

"No no no you SHOOT with it!  That's not a euphemism either!"

"I love the smell of gunpowder!  I just did 3 lines.  What do you mean, 'cancer'?"

"Ranger reporting!  Call me a snitch again, I dare you..."

"I know a good slipgate to shove you in.  #5 over there is trippy."

"I've been killing Monsters for ages.  Beats using White Claws**."

"I've seen some shit.  I'm ready for anything.  Like new underwear.  Seriously, it's been 20 years on the same pair."

"Time to get back in action.  I mean, Duke got a sequel..."


**Let me know if you get this reference.
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